A Perfect Match

I love this picture. I have it framed and sitting on the table next to my bed. It's the last image I see before falling asleep each night, and the first when I wake up.

The picture was taken in Peru last summer, only a few days after we were married. Paco had just returned home from work in his suit and tie, looking, well, delicious is the the word that comes to my mind. While here I am wearing no makeup, a sweat shirt and yoga pants. And yet I think we look great together--a perfect match!

Maybe I'm basing my thoughts on how I felt the moment the picture was taken (and how I still feel to this day--even more so). I'm completely and totally in love with this man. Paco's unconditional love and support allow me to bring a confident individual to our union--something I haven't always been (and honestly, I'm still a work-in-progress...but getting better every day). To sum up my thoughts in the infamous words of Jerry Maguire--he "completes me."

Some may say there are too many strikes against our relationship--different cultures, religions, etc. And yet there are so many other factors that draw us together--some tangable and others not, yet powerful none-the-less. More often than not, we share the same thoughts, dreams, desires, and even words (especially evident--and a little spooky--when we're instant messaging and simultaneously write out the same thought or phrase).

I don't know the secret formula to a successful relationship (and when/if I figure it out, you can believe that I'll either bottle it, or write it out and publish it). I do know, however, that there is so much more involved and required than sharing the same culture and religion (love, honor, and respect, to name a few).

Thanks, Paco, for being you--my other half. My perfect match!

*Note on visa status: The Visa Center will be scheduling the October interviews the second week of September (possibly next week). We're praying to be amongst this batch of interviews. Thanks for your continued support and prayers. We feel so blessed to have such wonderful and supportive family and friends!

How to Eat an Elephant

How do you eat an elephant? Well, first off, don't refer to it as an elephant--no one in their right mind would eat cute, "little" Dumbo anyway. Just pretend it's chicken, add in some seasoning, and start with the first bite. At some point you'll finish, right?

Likewise, how do you survive an unwanted and unavoidable separation from the person who owns half of your heart? Trust me--this is harder to digest than 20 elephants! This elephant-sized ordeal is what my husband Paco, and I have been "chewing on" for over a year now (roughly 9 months--and counting--longer than we naively anticipated). The difference is that our "bites" have been days, and I'd wager that a well seasoned elephant leaves a better taste in your mouth than a year without your sweetheart.

I can't tell you how many times I've prayed to the Lord, "Please, just help me get through another day!" I knew that if I could make it through one more day, I'd be another day closer to finally being in my husband's arms (which certainly couldn't be more than a few months away, right?).

But a few months turned into more than a year now. I know--it sucks...rocks! Big ones. Big! Muddy! Stupid! Rocks! And yet, I'd do it all over again, because this is the path we needed to take to get Paco and the girls here (THANKFULLY we won't have to do it again) and, well, I can't live without him.

So how have I survived the past year? The truth is that sometimes it feels like I haven't. There have been a LOT of tears, and a LOT of frustrations. Why should newlyweds be forced to spend this year apart? (By the way, we totally claim rights to do-overs on the whole "newlywed year" thing--just sayin'.) Thankfully (unlike 29 years ago when we first dated and then lost touch when I returned to the US), we have modern technology to keep us connected. We communicate every day, several times a day, via the Internet through email, Facebook, instant messaging, webcam, etc. We also talk on the phone almost every evening thanks to 2-cents-a minute international calling cards. True, all of these things aren't the same as "being there," but hey, it's all we have, so we take advantage of it to the fullest.

But even technology has its flaws. Last December my trusty Dell computer crashed. Thankfully I was able to use my kids' laptops. (Guess what Mom got for Christmas? Thanks for my new computer, Preston and Amber!) Then there are the times the Internet has been out, or the phone lines have been down, yada, yada, yada... (refer to previous paragraph about "frustrations").

Technological glitches, I can deal with. Bureaucratic glitches--not so much! This, by far, has been the greatest frustration of our year apart (SEE PREVIOUS POST). The good news, however, is that just this past week we found out from the National Visa Center that our file was deemed complete! Now all we have left are our interviews. The NVC will be scheduling October's interviews the second week of September. We WILL be amongst those interviews (no negative thoughts allowed). And when Paco walks out of his interview, he will have his and the girls' visas in hand. Within a few weeks they will be on an airplane headed for Houston,

And the rest will be history--OUR history! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Stay tuned--there's more to come.

The OTHER Immigration

*This blog is a slight departure from our story (although it is completely a part of it)! I just need to rant for a bit...

What could be worse than spending your one-year wedding anniversary alone? How about spending the entire first year of your marriage alone (well, as alone as one can possibly be when she’s the mother of seven). Since the day we “tied the knot,” Paco and I have hardly been in the same country (let alone the same Macaroni Grill) to celebrate a birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or even Groundhog’s Day. Why should I have expected last Sunday—the first anniversary of our marriage—to be any different? And why are we even separated in the first place (a forced separation, I might add)?

Good question. And the answer is simple—because I’m American, and he’s not. Now if I were Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame, Paco and I might have wandered throughout Asia as our attorney filed the various waves of paperwork required in the vast ocean of legal immigration documentation. But wait—we don’t even have an attorney. Who can afford one?

Paco and I took the self-serve line through checkout at USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services)—not necessarily the quickest route for your loved one to enter the US boarders legally, but definitely less expensive (not to be confused with inexpensive). Besides, how romantic would Asia have been with our nine offspring in tow? I mean—do the McDonald’s in Asia even have a Playplace?

And then there are our jobs (well, my job in particular) necessary not only to fund those visits to McDonald’s, but necessary for the income, which is necessary for the Affidavit of Support (a.k.a. I-134), which is necessary for me to qualify to have my husband and two step-daughters live with me, which, for me is a definite necessity! Never mind that Paco has an economics degree and is a respected executive in Peru’s insurance industry. This is of no importance to USCIS. It’s my income that counts in this process. Huh?

With illegal immigration such a hot topic in this country, few consider the plight of those of us attempting to play by the rules…even at the greatest-of-all personal cost—extensive separation from the ones we love most. Why does this process have to be so complicated and drawn out? I understand the need to maintain national security—I never want to see images like those of 9/11 repeated. But we’re in month 9 of this application process (it took a few months after the wedding for Paco to gather up the initial documents, then have them stamped and sealed by Peru’s External Affairs, and finally translated—a time consuming and expensive process that every document must go through). How long will this go on? How long will I have to rely on a webcam to look into my husband’s eyes every night? When will we finally be together? When can we live our happily ever after?

Not only can I not afford an attorney to fill out and file our immigration paperwork, I can’t afford a therapist to help me deal with this most difficult year of my life. Instead, I write—this is my therapy and helps me feel closer to my husband. You can read our lost-and-found love story on my blog: www.mommygringa.blogspot.com . All I want is to have my not-so-little family together. When will the government finally get out of the way, and let this happen?

My 23 Days in Peru!

*Author's Note: This real-life love story is a continuation. You can catch up by reading the first three installments HERE, and HERE, and HERE!

Think back with me for a minute—your first “hands-free” ride on a roller coaster; your first kiss on a dance floor; your first concert where you knew all the words; your first Robert Redford movie (okay, maybe that one only applies to me and every other middle-age-or-older woman in the universe). But are you feelin’ the love? Have the endorphins started popping?

Now recall the first time you heard the words, “I love you”…with your heart; the first time you looked into your newborn’s eyes…and had your first conversation; the first time you fell to your knees and pleaded with God…and immediately felt His peace… and knew that He was and is aware of every aspect of your life.

Combine these feelings of excitement, exhilaration, love, and total serenity and this was my 23 days in Peru—my reunion with Paco. He was the friend who turned into my boyfriend, who turned into my best friend. He was my first love and 28 years later became my husband and life’s partner. The only piece of the Tami’s Total Contentment Pie missing (a huge piece, actually) was my kids. But I knew that this was the first step needed to complete my “pie.” Once Paco and I were married, I’d return home and start the immigration process for him and his two daughters. All we wanted was to have our not-so-little family together. All we wanted was the opportunity to live our Happily Ever After. We had no idea of the bureaucratic nightmare that lay ahead…and maybe that was a good thing. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. For now, we’ll dwell on my 23 days of bliss...

There were so many great moments in Peru—where do I even start? How about with food and family…and Paco’s tias (aunts). Paco’s mom has about as many sisters as I do (basically, enough to fill your average Catholic convent). So I was totally in my element on day two when I found myself at a dining-room table, surrounded by the tias and heaping plates of pasta. I can’t express enough how much I LOVE these ladies—their beautiful smiles, as well as incredible culinary skills. And even though my ear was dealing with a language famine (I could hardly understand a word spoken until Paco translated), my heart and stomach were quickly filling to capacity!

Other food and family adventures included anticuchos—beef that is marinated, skewered, and grilled. Combine this with picarones (think scones with maple syrup) and you’re in my Peruvian cuisine heaven. On several occasions Paco, his daughters and I, would go out to eat, and this was by far my favorite meal. Enchiladas like none I’ve ever tasted, came in a close second (and for the record, I loved the enchiladas, but they didn’t love me back—‘nuf said)!

Then there were the afternoons while Paco was at work that I spent with the girls—watching Disney channel or cheerleader movies in Spanish (who knew there were so many), roller-blading in the park across the street, polishing finger and toenails, playing with make-up, trying out new hairstyles, eating lunch with Paco’s mom and Tia Chuna, doing homework… Well, it didn’t take long for this mother-of-seven to find a place in her heart for two more. That’s the miracle of motherhood; somehow God allows us to love each of our children one hundred percent. I learned this after the birth of my second baby. All during the pregnancy I thought, Poor little Baby-in-my-Tummy! Tough breaks for you, but how could I possibly love another human being as much as your brother? And then Amber was born. And then I understood. My mother’s heart now runs at nine-hundred percent, and not a day passes that I don’t thank God for His miracles…and the nine beautiful blessings He’s placed in my life and heart!

Another great memory was the night Paco took me out dancing. Now if you know me at all, you know that I love to dance. As a kid, any given Saturday morning could find me and my sisters dancing with the TV tuned to American Bandstand and Soul Train. I also participated in various performing dance teams in high school and college. Basically, if there’s music playing, at the least, my toe is tapping. At the most, well, I’m embarrassing my kids in public places.

However, in my adult life, most of my dancing has been relegated to the kitchen floor—a perfect activity to break up the monotony of scrubbing dried lasagna from a casserole dish or stirring a simmering sauce. So when I found myself on a real dance floor, salsa music filling the air, and handsome Peruvian Love-of-My-Life, shaking his groove-thang at me… Well, let’s just say that if I’d died at that moment, it would have been with every tooth in my mouth exposed. It was the perfect night.

Then there were the moments alone with Paco. What can I say here? Intimacy is so much more than a physical act. It must also involve communication, trust and respect. If you are blessed to find that person in your life to share this with, you are holding a treasure, a gift. Not everyone has this. And far too many people don’t even know what it is, or what it involves. Some search for it their whole lives. Others give up entirely. For me, happiness is synonymous with a committed, intimate relationship. I will never give up on my happiness; therefore, I will forever protect and nurture this treasure I hold, this gift Paco has given me.

The day I left Peru was one of the most difficult days of my life. I knew it was a necessary step to our future happiness—after all; I had to be back in the US to start the visa paperwork. Also, my seven children and grandson were eagerly awaiting my arrival (Allie, my then 7-year-old, made me promise that I’d never, EVER, leave her again). And yet, a huge chunk of my heart would remain in Peru. A heart is a vital organ—THE vital organ! It all felt so literal. How would I survive with half a heart? How long till we’d be together again?

For the second time in my life, I kissed Paco goodbye at the Lima airport. Twenty-eight years earlier, he sent me home wearing a silver necklace inscribed with his name. This time his name was inscribed in a gold wedding band on my finger, on a legal document stating that he was my husband, and forever on my heart. I don’t wish on my worst enemy the anguish I felt as I was forced to say good bye to this Love who had miraculously re-appeared in my life. Tears streamed from both of our eyes. I never wanted the moment to end—never wanted to release my hold on him—and at the same time, never wanted to feel such pain again in my life. The only way to achieve this was to walk through the gate, fly home, and start the visa paperwork.

And so I did.

Stay tuned—there’s more to come!