Juntos Para Siempre / Together Forever - Part 1

FINALLY...Paco and I and our not-so-little family are TOGETHER FOREVER...but not without having our last not-so-little hurdle to jump over.

Sit back. Make yourself comfortable. Pop yourself a bag of popcorn and grab a Coke. Maybe even find a box of tissue. I have quite the story to share...

Paco and the girls were scheduled to fly into Houston on November 8th--our 15 month anniversary. The bathroom floor was scrubbed. The kids were scrubbed. I had the perfect outfit picked out. Paco and I had talked the night of the 7th and they were all set to come. What could possibly go wrong?

Let me tell you...

When Paco and the girls arrived at the Lima airport at 5:00 a.m., they checked in their luggage, paid the taxes to leave the country, said goodbye to family members seeing them off at the airport, and then proceeded to the immigration office of the airport to check all of their documents. So far, so good...until the following conversation took place.

Airport Official: "Mr. Torero (a.k.a Houston) we have a problem. There's no judge available here at the airport today to sign the girl's documents allowing them to leave the country."

Paco: Silence.

Airport Official: "Sorry, but you can't fly today."

Paco: More stunned silence.

Airport Official: "If you can get a judge to sign the documents today, you can fly tomorrow... But you have to know that all judges in the country are on strike right now."

Paco: Continued stunned silence combined with nausea...until he could gain enough composure to speak. "Okay. If this is what I need, I'll get it. See you tomorrow."

At this point, Paco was composed...but the same couldn't be said for two sweet young ladies who had been waiting 14 1/2 months for this day to arrive.

Maki, our 9-year-old began to cry. (To the Airport Official) "Do you know what you're doing to me???!!! There's a HUGE Barbie house waiting for me at my home in Houston. And my twin sister is there waiting for me too!!!!" Tears falling down face. "You are a very mean man!!!"

Mafe was less verbal, but equally disappointed. Her very own bedroom adorned with Justin Beiber and Jonas Brother posters was waiting for her in Houston. Tears spilled from her eyes as she left the airport with her dad and sister.

Paco's dad and best buddy (The Great Pancho Torero), picked up the trio from the airport, and when Paco explained the situation and what needed to happen, Pancho, in his deep, unmistakable, Darth Vader-ish voice said, "Let's go for it!"

And they did.

Pancho drove the three to the courthouse where so many judges were marching outside with their picketing signs. Inside, Paco asked at the front desk if perhaps there was a judge inside who he could speak to. One judge (a lady) was available, so Paco and his dad proceeded to her office. If you know my husband as I do, you know that he can sell sand to the Egyptians. After a thirty-minute conversation, he left the courthouse with the signed document the Airport Official had requested.

By now it was the afternoon, and Paco decided he'd better call me. For some reason I didn't hear my phone ring, but received the following message on my cell:

"Hi Gringa. We weren't able to make the flight today because the judges are on strike. But we are going to try to fly out tomorrow morning. Let's talk on the phone tonight at 8. I love you."

I left work that day so excited because after 14 1/2 LONG months apart, I was finally going to SEE my husband that night. He was flying in at 8 p.m. I can hardly express how disappointed I felt when I heard the message. At the time I didn't even really understand what was happening. Would the strike be over the next day? Would they EVER make it here to Houston??!!! The only thing I was certain about was that, as usual, we would be having our 8:00 p.m. phone conversation. And we did.

The next morning Paco and the girls were back at the airport at 5:00 a.m. The airport employees recognized them and they were allowed to go to the head of the line to check in. After paying an additional $300 fee to change their tickets, and ANOTHER $100 airport tax fee, once again they approached the airport immigration office, and the same official from the previous morning.

Paco: "Here are the requested documents."

Airport Official: "But Mr. Torero, how do I know that these aren't forged documents? How could you have possibly gotten these documents signed by a judge when every judge in Peru is on strike?"

Paco...no longer silent: "With all due respect, this isn't your business. I got what you asked for, signed by a judge, and here it is. So, if you won't let me fly to my new home in Houston today, I'm going to bring TV cameras here to the airport, and show all of Peru what you are doing here. And not only that, I'm also going to sue you and sue the airport, and anyone else who tries to stop me and my girls from leaving today."

Airport Officer...now silenced, and red faced, took the passports, stamped and signed them. With an angry voice he replied, "I hope I never see your face again."

Paco: "That's the idea, my friend. Hasta la vista, Baby. But...I'll be back!!!!"

And that's when I received the best phone call of my life...at 5:30 a.m.

"Hey, Gringa... We're on our way. See you tonight!"

To be continued...very soon...I promise!!!

Happily Ever After Eve

Tonight is my Happily Ever After Eve!!! Tomorrow morning Paco and the girls are hopping on a plane and heading to Houston (via Mexico City). I've been waiting for this day for so long that it STILL doesn't seem real. I'm not sure I'll even believe it until my husband and daughters are finally in my arms.. THEN I'll believe it.

I have so many thoughts going through my mind right now, but since I have a bathroom floor that desperately needs a good scrubbing before I can fall into bed tonight, I just have to say that the foremost feeling I have right now is GRATITUDE.

I'm thankful to my 9 incredible children and Mr. Twister--grandson extraordinaire! YOU are the reason I get out of bed every morning. YOU are my motivation. And YOU are my inspiration! Regardless of what some parenting books may say, YOU are my best friends--I never want that to change. Thanks for putting up with me.

I'm thankful for my husband who is turning his life upside down so that we can pursue our Happily Ever After. Paco, you are my heart and soul. I can't imagine living another day of this life without you in it. I'm just so grateful you returned to my life. You and our kids are My Everything! So hold on, here we go...

Lastly, I'm thankful to my loving Father in Heaven for helping me get through this past year. His strength has held me up. His wisdom has guided me at every turn. If I've learned one thing over this past year, it's that I'm never alone. God loves me and is always by my side.

Now, on to that bathroom floor... Stay tuned.

ONE WEEK!!!!

This picture was taken a few moments before Paco and I were married. Do I look nervous? To be honest, I was...just a little. Not nervous in an Am-I-making-a-big-mistake? kind-of way. Not at all. I'd never been more sure about anything in my life than when I made the decision to marry Paco Torero. That feeling has never changed. No, my nervousness on my wedding day was more of the My-life-is-about-to change-in-a-big-way variety. And it has.

So how did I get through my wedding day jitters? Well, I just held tight to Paco's hand and every worry or concern seemed to fade away. I've never felt more confident, secure, and even empowered than I do when I'm holding my husband's hand. And maybe that's why the past 14+ months have been especially difficult. Even though Paco and I talk every day, sometimes several times a day, it's just not the same when that hand you are aching to clasp onto--the one that lifts you up and gives you strength when you can't seem to find it on your own--is a continent away.

Just the other day Paco said to me. "You know, Tami, I truly believe that together, you and I can achieve whatever dreams and goals we set for ourselves. We can succeed in whatever we set our minds to."

What can I say? Paco IS my other half... My soul mate. He thinks so much like me it's scary at times...and completely wonderful! I'm just so thankful that one week from tonight, on our 15 month anniversary, I will finally be able to reach out, and clasp my husband's hand in mine. And I may never let go.

Stay tuned...

TWO WEEKS!!!!

Yup, you read that right--only two weeks till Paco and the girls fly into Houston from Lima, Peru! TWO WEEKS!!! Dos semanas. 14 days. 336 hours. Two episodes of Survivor. Ten Lettermans. A dozen gallons of milk. About 10 loads of laundry. One holiday (and some people don't even count Halloween as a holiday!) TWO WEEKS--I CAN DO THIS!!!!

It's all official! Paco picked up the visas on Thursday. The only thing keeping my husband and daughters from being here now is 2 weeks and a plane ride. That's it!!! Wow--that was easy--NOT!!! But you know what? Often it's the best things in life that take the most effort, and getting Paco and the girls here was no exception...and definitely worth everything we've been through.

I have to thank my father-in-law, Pancho Torero (seen in picture above), who sat in his car outside of the US Embassy for 7+ hours last Monday. We had no idea the long ordeal Paco and the girls were about to endure. And since cell phones were confiscated upon entering the embassy, Paco had no way to contact his dad and fill him in on what was happening.

Paco's interview was scheduled for 7:30 a.m. After waiting for an hour he was called in and interviewed for an hour by a lady. She asked many questions about our relationship--and many of the same questions over and over. Finally he was asked to take a seat in the waiting area.

Three hours later he was called again--this time to be interviewed by a man. Again, the same questions were asked...and asked again...and again. Paco patiently answered everything they asked...over and over. And even though he remained calm and composed on the outside, on the inside he was getting very frustrated with these people. Sure, they're just doing their job, but all we're trying to do is to bring our family together. Trying to be with the ones we love most in this world.

Eventually it was determined that one document was missing and Paco was told that he needed to send a certified/notarized copy of this document to the embassy by 5 p.m. so the immigration process wouldn't be delayed further. If the document was sent by 5, he'd have the visas by the end of the week.

It was already after 2:00 p.m.!!!!

So Paco and the girls (who hadn't eaten since 5 am) ran out to Paco's dad in his waiting car and my father-in-law pulled a Steve McQueen (Lightening McQueen for you younger folks), and managed to get Paco to his attorney's office in no time. If you know the streets of Lima, Peru, you know what a miracle this was.

Paco ran into the office, approached the lady at the desk and requested a certified/notarized copy of this document they had in his file. "But Mr. Torero," the receptionist said. "Our notary is out of the office for a few hours. I'll need to call her. I'm not sure I can have this to you in time."

Now if you know my husband, you know that he is a take-charge person who can make things happen. He looked into this woman's eyes and said, "Senora, I'm in desperate need of your help right now. I have to have this document to the US Embassy in two and a half hours. Please, I need your help. I'm a sales manager for my company and with my resources there can see to it that many repairs you might need in your home are worked on--locks, windows, etc. You help me...and I'll help you."

"Well, Mr. Torero, let me see what I can do."

"Thank you," Paco said. "We'll be around the corner having lunch. Here's my cell phone number. Please call me as soon as you can."

Just as Paco, his dad, and the girls were finishing their lunch, Paco's cell phone rang. The document was ready--certified and notarized. Within minutes it was on its way to the US Embassy.

Sure enough, on Thursday the visas arrived...along with 3 sealed envelopes, each weighing about 6 pounds. These sealed envelopes contain every document compiled over this 15 month process, and will be turned over to US Customs as soon as they arrive in the United States. That's okay by me. They can keep every last document as long as I get to keep the 3 who will carry them into The States!

Now the big question is... On November 8th (our 15 month anniversary) what will I wear to the airport?

Stay tuned...

Maki's Lucky Dress

Tomorrow morning, Monday, October 18, 2010, Maki Torero will be wearing her "lucky dress." Paco had no idea his daughter even had a "lucky dress" until he asked the 9-year-old what she was wearing to the US Embassy for their visa interview.

"I'm wearing my lucky dress. You know--the one I wore on the day you married Mommy Tami."

"Oh, that's nice," Paco said.

"You were so happy and smiling that day," Maki continued. "If I wear it, I know it will be our lucky day, and you will be smiling forever because we'll get to live with Mommy Tami."

Have I mentioned how much I love this brilliant little girl...as well as her beautiful big sister (not to mention their incredibly handsome dad?!!!)

Yup...Monday is THE BIG DAY! We've been talking about and anticipating this day for well over a year now--THE VISA INTERVIEW!

Every form we've filled out, every document we've had stamped, sealed, and translated, every fee we've paid, every overnight express package we've mailed (to each other or to The National Visa Center) has lead us to Monday morning at 7:30 (Central as well as Peruvian time). The outcome of this interview will allow us to FINALLY be the family that we've been anxious to be since the day Paco proposed to me. See the picture to the left? Just add in 7 more kids and there you have our not-so-little happy family. (Updated family picture to come AS SOON AS WE'RE ALL FINALLY TOGETHER!)

We're so sure everything will go well at the US Embassy tomorrow that Paco has already purchased their airline tickets. That's the other BIG DAY--the REALLY BIG DAY--November 8, 2010. 15 months from the day we were married, Paco and I will finally be together again...and this time, FOREVER!!!

I LOVE YOU, PACO!!! Good luck in the interview tomorrow. Just be yourself and you'll do great. We have played by all the rules of this immigration ordeal, and now it's our turn... Go claim your visa, pack your bags, and get ready. We have our Happily Ever After ahead of us!

As for me tomorrow... I think I'll follow the example of a brilliant 9-year-old and at 7:30 put on my "lucky dress." Yeah, it's a little formal...but that's okay. Tomorrow is THE BIG DAY!!!

More to come...

Life Imitating Art?

Oscar Wilde, the 19th-century Irish author once wrote, "Life imitates art far more than art imitates life." Now I'm no philosopher, but to me this is one of those, which-comes-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg type concepts. Either way, over the past few months, as I've enjoyed one of my guilty pleasures--watching DVDs snuggled up in my bed--I've seen how this art/life concept relates to my own existence.

A few weeks ago I watched the movie Meet Joe Black. Early on in the movie, the character William Parrish, brilliantly played by Anthony Hopkins, offers advice to his daughter that struck me with such force--such truth--because at 46 years old, I finally know of what he speaks.

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

Paco's return to my life after 28 years has brought with it so many incredible things, but one thing forefront in my mind and heart is a love like none I've ever known--a connection to another human being like nothing I've ever experienced. Okay, I know what you're thinking... You've only been married for a year. True, but I first fell in love with Paco when I was 17 years old. (You can read that story HERE.) We've both lived many years of this life with its ups and downs, and realize the true blessing of this profound and renewed love that we share. What can I say? It feels like we've discovered a buried treasure, and now after so many years, it's resurfaced, refined, and more valuable than ever!

Another "Life Imitating Art" movie I recently watched was Letters to Juliet--definitely on my "favorite movies" list. There were so many similarities I found in this movie to my own life. One part in particular hit so close to home it had me totally, and completely in tears, sobbing like I haven't since the night I was forced to say goodbye to my husband at the Lima airport over a year ago (read THAT story HERE). When Claire, played by Vanessa Redgrave, is finally reunited in the vineyard with her first love, Lorenzo Bartolini, played by Franco Nero, after a 50 year separation, I was completely washed over by a huge wave of emotions--from regret for not writing back to Paco all those years ago after receiving his letter, to gratitude that it only took 28 years for us to reunite, rather than 50, like the couple in the movie. If I wasn't living my own slightly varied version of this story, I'd say, "Only in the movies..."

Just this afternoon Paco posted a comment on one of my Facebook profile pictures. This black and white photo was published in my college yearbook when I was 18, one year after I left Peru the first time. Paco wrote: That's exactly how I met you......JUST BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!...Now I know why I couldn't forget you.....

My reply: You're so sweet!!! And now I know why I couldn't forget you either!

A mutual friend posted a comment after mine--a comment that Paco and I hear all the time when we share our story with others: Awww....your romance is sweet. I love your love story. (I see a book about this in the future.)

Life imitating art? Art imitating life?

Who knows? But if it's ever a book, you better believe that I'll be the one who wrote it! :)

Oh, and only 24 days till Paco's immigration interview!!!!

Stay tuned...

An Incredible Dad

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my husband? I love him from the top of his dark (and slightly graying), curly locks, to the tips of his cowboy "boats" (inside joke--read HERE for further insight). I love how he calls me Sweetie, Gringa, and Honey, and how he makes me feel like the most beautiful and intelligent woman on this planet. There are a million-and-one reasons why I love this man so much, but up there near the top of the list is one of the fore-front reasons: he's an incredible dad.

Paco has been a single father raising his two daughters alone for seven years now. He's been mom and dad combined and has done a fantastic job. The love these girls have for their papi is so evident, and sweet to witness...and it comes as no surprise if you know the heart of this man as I do.

There are so many things that warm my heart as I watch my husband interact with his girls--the hugs, kisses, encouraging words, playful banter... Paco jokes that his youngest, Maki, is like his tail. Whenever he looks over his shoulder, there she is, following his every move. And then there's beautiful, Mafe, who (ready-or-not, Dad) is at the eve of her teenage years. Recently she changed her Facebook status from "Single" to "In a Relationship." It didn't take Paco long to chime in on this matter. Dad swiftly (yet lovingly) informed his young daughter that the only relationship she had at the moment involved algebra and science. Mafe's status returned to "Single" that night.

This past Saturday confirmed why I love this man so much. Paco spent the entire afternoon with his girls at The Barbie Store in Lima (who knew such an establishment even existed?!) Most men wouldn't be caught dead within fifty feet of this pink paradise for little girls. And yet, there was my husband, documenting the entire outing with pictures. His youngest, Maki, received a new hairdo, while Mafe got a manicure--just another Saturday on the town with the Toreros!

I'm so thankful that this incredible man found his way back into my life and heart after 28 years apart. During the summer of '81 when we were still teenagers, I saw so many wonderful qualities in Paco Torero, but never imagined what an awesome father he would someday be. I'm so proud to call him my husband. He's everything I could ever want in a life's partner, and then some.

Now for some GREAT NEWS!!! Paco's immigration interview has been scheduled for October 18th! Within a few days of the interview, he should have their visas and by early November they should be here! To say that the past year has been long and difficult is an understatement. We'd like to thank all of our friends and family who have offered prayers and support during this ordeal. We feel truly blessed to be associated with such wonderful people.

Stay tuned for more...

A Perfect Match

I love this picture. I have it framed and sitting on the table next to my bed. It's the last image I see before falling asleep each night, and the first when I wake up.

The picture was taken in Peru last summer, only a few days after we were married. Paco had just returned home from work in his suit and tie, looking, well, delicious is the the word that comes to my mind. While here I am wearing no makeup, a sweat shirt and yoga pants. And yet I think we look great together--a perfect match!

Maybe I'm basing my thoughts on how I felt the moment the picture was taken (and how I still feel to this day--even more so). I'm completely and totally in love with this man. Paco's unconditional love and support allow me to bring a confident individual to our union--something I haven't always been (and honestly, I'm still a work-in-progress...but getting better every day). To sum up my thoughts in the infamous words of Jerry Maguire--he "completes me."

Some may say there are too many strikes against our relationship--different cultures, religions, etc. And yet there are so many other factors that draw us together--some tangable and others not, yet powerful none-the-less. More often than not, we share the same thoughts, dreams, desires, and even words (especially evident--and a little spooky--when we're instant messaging and simultaneously write out the same thought or phrase).

I don't know the secret formula to a successful relationship (and when/if I figure it out, you can believe that I'll either bottle it, or write it out and publish it). I do know, however, that there is so much more involved and required than sharing the same culture and religion (love, honor, and respect, to name a few).

Thanks, Paco, for being you--my other half. My perfect match!

*Note on visa status: The Visa Center will be scheduling the October interviews the second week of September (possibly next week). We're praying to be amongst this batch of interviews. Thanks for your continued support and prayers. We feel so blessed to have such wonderful and supportive family and friends!

How to Eat an Elephant

How do you eat an elephant? Well, first off, don't refer to it as an elephant--no one in their right mind would eat cute, "little" Dumbo anyway. Just pretend it's chicken, add in some seasoning, and start with the first bite. At some point you'll finish, right?

Likewise, how do you survive an unwanted and unavoidable separation from the person who owns half of your heart? Trust me--this is harder to digest than 20 elephants! This elephant-sized ordeal is what my husband Paco, and I have been "chewing on" for over a year now (roughly 9 months--and counting--longer than we naively anticipated). The difference is that our "bites" have been days, and I'd wager that a well seasoned elephant leaves a better taste in your mouth than a year without your sweetheart.

I can't tell you how many times I've prayed to the Lord, "Please, just help me get through another day!" I knew that if I could make it through one more day, I'd be another day closer to finally being in my husband's arms (which certainly couldn't be more than a few months away, right?).

But a few months turned into more than a year now. I know--it sucks...rocks! Big ones. Big! Muddy! Stupid! Rocks! And yet, I'd do it all over again, because this is the path we needed to take to get Paco and the girls here (THANKFULLY we won't have to do it again) and, well, I can't live without him.

So how have I survived the past year? The truth is that sometimes it feels like I haven't. There have been a LOT of tears, and a LOT of frustrations. Why should newlyweds be forced to spend this year apart? (By the way, we totally claim rights to do-overs on the whole "newlywed year" thing--just sayin'.) Thankfully (unlike 29 years ago when we first dated and then lost touch when I returned to the US), we have modern technology to keep us connected. We communicate every day, several times a day, via the Internet through email, Facebook, instant messaging, webcam, etc. We also talk on the phone almost every evening thanks to 2-cents-a minute international calling cards. True, all of these things aren't the same as "being there," but hey, it's all we have, so we take advantage of it to the fullest.

But even technology has its flaws. Last December my trusty Dell computer crashed. Thankfully I was able to use my kids' laptops. (Guess what Mom got for Christmas? Thanks for my new computer, Preston and Amber!) Then there are the times the Internet has been out, or the phone lines have been down, yada, yada, yada... (refer to previous paragraph about "frustrations").

Technological glitches, I can deal with. Bureaucratic glitches--not so much! This, by far, has been the greatest frustration of our year apart (SEE PREVIOUS POST). The good news, however, is that just this past week we found out from the National Visa Center that our file was deemed complete! Now all we have left are our interviews. The NVC will be scheduling October's interviews the second week of September. We WILL be amongst those interviews (no negative thoughts allowed). And when Paco walks out of his interview, he will have his and the girls' visas in hand. Within a few weeks they will be on an airplane headed for Houston,

And the rest will be history--OUR history! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Stay tuned--there's more to come.

The OTHER Immigration

*This blog is a slight departure from our story (although it is completely a part of it)! I just need to rant for a bit...

What could be worse than spending your one-year wedding anniversary alone? How about spending the entire first year of your marriage alone (well, as alone as one can possibly be when she’s the mother of seven). Since the day we “tied the knot,” Paco and I have hardly been in the same country (let alone the same Macaroni Grill) to celebrate a birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or even Groundhog’s Day. Why should I have expected last Sunday—the first anniversary of our marriage—to be any different? And why are we even separated in the first place (a forced separation, I might add)?

Good question. And the answer is simple—because I’m American, and he’s not. Now if I were Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame, Paco and I might have wandered throughout Asia as our attorney filed the various waves of paperwork required in the vast ocean of legal immigration documentation. But wait—we don’t even have an attorney. Who can afford one?

Paco and I took the self-serve line through checkout at USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services)—not necessarily the quickest route for your loved one to enter the US boarders legally, but definitely less expensive (not to be confused with inexpensive). Besides, how romantic would Asia have been with our nine offspring in tow? I mean—do the McDonald’s in Asia even have a Playplace?

And then there are our jobs (well, my job in particular) necessary not only to fund those visits to McDonald’s, but necessary for the income, which is necessary for the Affidavit of Support (a.k.a. I-134), which is necessary for me to qualify to have my husband and two step-daughters live with me, which, for me is a definite necessity! Never mind that Paco has an economics degree and is a respected executive in Peru’s insurance industry. This is of no importance to USCIS. It’s my income that counts in this process. Huh?

With illegal immigration such a hot topic in this country, few consider the plight of those of us attempting to play by the rules…even at the greatest-of-all personal cost—extensive separation from the ones we love most. Why does this process have to be so complicated and drawn out? I understand the need to maintain national security—I never want to see images like those of 9/11 repeated. But we’re in month 9 of this application process (it took a few months after the wedding for Paco to gather up the initial documents, then have them stamped and sealed by Peru’s External Affairs, and finally translated—a time consuming and expensive process that every document must go through). How long will this go on? How long will I have to rely on a webcam to look into my husband’s eyes every night? When will we finally be together? When can we live our happily ever after?

Not only can I not afford an attorney to fill out and file our immigration paperwork, I can’t afford a therapist to help me deal with this most difficult year of my life. Instead, I write—this is my therapy and helps me feel closer to my husband. You can read our lost-and-found love story on my blog: www.mommygringa.blogspot.com . All I want is to have my not-so-little family together. When will the government finally get out of the way, and let this happen?

My 23 Days in Peru!

*Author's Note: This real-life love story is a continuation. You can catch up by reading the first three installments HERE, and HERE, and HERE!

Think back with me for a minute—your first “hands-free” ride on a roller coaster; your first kiss on a dance floor; your first concert where you knew all the words; your first Robert Redford movie (okay, maybe that one only applies to me and every other middle-age-or-older woman in the universe). But are you feelin’ the love? Have the endorphins started popping?

Now recall the first time you heard the words, “I love you”…with your heart; the first time you looked into your newborn’s eyes…and had your first conversation; the first time you fell to your knees and pleaded with God…and immediately felt His peace… and knew that He was and is aware of every aspect of your life.

Combine these feelings of excitement, exhilaration, love, and total serenity and this was my 23 days in Peru—my reunion with Paco. He was the friend who turned into my boyfriend, who turned into my best friend. He was my first love and 28 years later became my husband and life’s partner. The only piece of the Tami’s Total Contentment Pie missing (a huge piece, actually) was my kids. But I knew that this was the first step needed to complete my “pie.” Once Paco and I were married, I’d return home and start the immigration process for him and his two daughters. All we wanted was to have our not-so-little family together. All we wanted was the opportunity to live our Happily Ever After. We had no idea of the bureaucratic nightmare that lay ahead…and maybe that was a good thing. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. For now, we’ll dwell on my 23 days of bliss...

There were so many great moments in Peru—where do I even start? How about with food and family…and Paco’s tias (aunts). Paco’s mom has about as many sisters as I do (basically, enough to fill your average Catholic convent). So I was totally in my element on day two when I found myself at a dining-room table, surrounded by the tias and heaping plates of pasta. I can’t express enough how much I LOVE these ladies—their beautiful smiles, as well as incredible culinary skills. And even though my ear was dealing with a language famine (I could hardly understand a word spoken until Paco translated), my heart and stomach were quickly filling to capacity!

Other food and family adventures included anticuchos—beef that is marinated, skewered, and grilled. Combine this with picarones (think scones with maple syrup) and you’re in my Peruvian cuisine heaven. On several occasions Paco, his daughters and I, would go out to eat, and this was by far my favorite meal. Enchiladas like none I’ve ever tasted, came in a close second (and for the record, I loved the enchiladas, but they didn’t love me back—‘nuf said)!

Then there were the afternoons while Paco was at work that I spent with the girls—watching Disney channel or cheerleader movies in Spanish (who knew there were so many), roller-blading in the park across the street, polishing finger and toenails, playing with make-up, trying out new hairstyles, eating lunch with Paco’s mom and Tia Chuna, doing homework… Well, it didn’t take long for this mother-of-seven to find a place in her heart for two more. That’s the miracle of motherhood; somehow God allows us to love each of our children one hundred percent. I learned this after the birth of my second baby. All during the pregnancy I thought, Poor little Baby-in-my-Tummy! Tough breaks for you, but how could I possibly love another human being as much as your brother? And then Amber was born. And then I understood. My mother’s heart now runs at nine-hundred percent, and not a day passes that I don’t thank God for His miracles…and the nine beautiful blessings He’s placed in my life and heart!

Another great memory was the night Paco took me out dancing. Now if you know me at all, you know that I love to dance. As a kid, any given Saturday morning could find me and my sisters dancing with the TV tuned to American Bandstand and Soul Train. I also participated in various performing dance teams in high school and college. Basically, if there’s music playing, at the least, my toe is tapping. At the most, well, I’m embarrassing my kids in public places.

However, in my adult life, most of my dancing has been relegated to the kitchen floor—a perfect activity to break up the monotony of scrubbing dried lasagna from a casserole dish or stirring a simmering sauce. So when I found myself on a real dance floor, salsa music filling the air, and handsome Peruvian Love-of-My-Life, shaking his groove-thang at me… Well, let’s just say that if I’d died at that moment, it would have been with every tooth in my mouth exposed. It was the perfect night.

Then there were the moments alone with Paco. What can I say here? Intimacy is so much more than a physical act. It must also involve communication, trust and respect. If you are blessed to find that person in your life to share this with, you are holding a treasure, a gift. Not everyone has this. And far too many people don’t even know what it is, or what it involves. Some search for it their whole lives. Others give up entirely. For me, happiness is synonymous with a committed, intimate relationship. I will never give up on my happiness; therefore, I will forever protect and nurture this treasure I hold, this gift Paco has given me.

The day I left Peru was one of the most difficult days of my life. I knew it was a necessary step to our future happiness—after all; I had to be back in the US to start the visa paperwork. Also, my seven children and grandson were eagerly awaiting my arrival (Allie, my then 7-year-old, made me promise that I’d never, EVER, leave her again). And yet, a huge chunk of my heart would remain in Peru. A heart is a vital organ—THE vital organ! It all felt so literal. How would I survive with half a heart? How long till we’d be together again?

For the second time in my life, I kissed Paco goodbye at the Lima airport. Twenty-eight years earlier, he sent me home wearing a silver necklace inscribed with his name. This time his name was inscribed in a gold wedding band on my finger, on a legal document stating that he was my husband, and forever on my heart. I don’t wish on my worst enemy the anguish I felt as I was forced to say good bye to this Love who had miraculously re-appeared in my life. Tears streamed from both of our eyes. I never wanted the moment to end—never wanted to release my hold on him—and at the same time, never wanted to feel such pain again in my life. The only way to achieve this was to walk through the gate, fly home, and start the visa paperwork.

And so I did.

Stay tuned—there’s more to come!

Moment of Truth

There are profound moments in our lives when clarity and realization wander, hand and hand (or even jump feet first), into our consciousness, causing our perception of reality to shift. Oprah calls it a “light bulb moment.” I call it a moment of truth—a moment when we know our life must change.

One such moment came on August 8^th, 2008. I was sitting in a chapel watching my best girlfriend marry the man of her dreams. I’d been with Chambrey through her divorce, single life and then courtship with Shaun. I saw how much she loved this man, and how happy he made her. He was such a great guy, and their joy was so evident—I could both see and feel it…which made me all-the-more aware of the lack of this emotion (and many others) in my own marriage. I won’t go into further detail on this matter other than to say, it was a moment of truth—a moment when I knew my life must change. I also knew that if it was going to change, I would have to be the one to change it. It took some time, but eventually, I filed for divorce.

Now, why am I telling you this? Because it’s incredible the difference one year can make!

If you haven’t already, now would be a good time to catch up on mine and Paco’s love story by reading about HOW WE FIRST MET IN 1981, and then, HOW WE WERE REUNITED. Technology today is quite amazing! Between Facebook, instant messaging, webcams, and 2-cents-a-minute international phone cards, we were able to rekindle our love for each other, and watch it blossom into one of the most powerful forces either of us has ever felt.

Before I knew it, my flight to Lima was booked for July 28, 2009. Our plan was to get married on August 1, 2009—twenty-eight years to the day from our first kiss (um, yeah…we’re both sentimental). But I’d only have 23 days in Peru before I’d have to head home to my children and my job. We’d start the visa application process as soon as I got home, and voila—they’d be here! Three months tops, right? (HA!)

All along I’d felt so confident of every step Paco and I had made up to this point. But it wasn’t until I was about 30 minutes from landing in Lima that my stomach started churning and my insecurities began to resurface—not so much about the marriage plans that were already set in motion. I’d never felt more sure of my love for another person in my life. No, it was much more basic than that. Be brave and think “junior-high” for a minute, and you’ll be back in my mind just before landing. Will he think I’m cute? Will he LIKE me? Yeah, I know—lame. What can I say? I was nervous!

After landing in Lima I wound through various lines to get through customs and then to get my luggage—it’s hard to even recall the entire process because I was a bundle of nerves. I’m sure the people around me must have thought I was some druggie the way I was popping Altoids, but hey—a girl’s gotta have fresh breath, right?

So I got the green light and was able to pass through security and on to the gate and my awaiting fiancé whom I hadn’t seen face to face in 28 years. No pressure. (EEEEEEEEEK!) I’m sure I popped another Altoid at this point—maybe ten.

If I haven’t mentioned previously, I live in Houston, a culturally diverse atmosphere, so I’m used to being surrounded by people of every color, shape, size, sound, etc. But I’d forgotten what it’s like to be the only pale-skinned blonde in the room; the little white marshmallow in the cup of hot cocoa; the “gringa.” As I passed through the curtained gate, I literally approached a sea of dark hair. How was this marshmallow supposed to find her fiancé? And then I heard his voice…

“Tami! Tami!”

I could hear him, but there were literally hundreds of people crammed behind the roped-off gate I was about to pass. Once through, I was sure I’d be swallowed if I wasn’t holding his hand.

“Tami! Over here!”

And that was when I saw him—handsome, smiling, and bearing a single red rose and a balloon; my Peruvian Knight in Shining Armor; the love of my life; the other half of my heart and soul; my past, present and future. My Paco!

I’m not sure how I looked to him at that moment (bug-eyed, albino opossum about to be smashed by on-coming car comes to mind) but when I saw his face, looked into those brown eyes, and then reached out and clasped his hand, I instantly knew that all was right in my world. I was home, because home was anywhere in this world that we were together. We exchanged a brief kiss (did I mention that we were surrounded by hundreds of people), and then headed out to the car.

Paco’s dad had driven him to the airport and we were supposed to meet him out in the parking lot. But when we got out to the car, he wasn’t there yet. This was our first moment alone together—ironically, the last place Paco had kissed me 28 years earlier. And as things come full circle, I suppose it was fitting that this was the place he would kiss me—really kiss me—28 years later. And, boy howdy, did he ever!

The next week and a half was a whirlwind of wedding preparations and getting to know Paco’s daughters and family. Due to bureaucratic issues (surely a sign of the year to come), our wedding was pushed back a week. We weren’t going to be married on the anniversary of our first kiss, but we were rolling with the punches, and just so happy to finally be together. Paco’s daughters instantly captured my heart, and as I saw him interact with them, I really knew he was the man of my dreams. He’s truly the best father in the world!

Finally the day of our wedding arrived—Auguts 8^th, 2009. I have never felt more at peace or more sure in my life than at that moment as we stood before the judge and Paco’s family and vowed our commitment and love to each other. This was the beginning of the rest of our lives together, and next to the births of my children, this was by far the happiest day of my life.

It wasn’t till a few days later when I received an email from my BFF, Chambrey, that I made an incredible connection.

“You realize, don’t you,” Chambrey wrote, “that you were married on my one-year anniversary—August 8th! Can you believe it?”

No, I hadn’t realized it until that very moment, but I was truly amazed. In one year from when I was sitting in that chapel, having my “moment of truth,” my life had changed in so many ways. I was a new person—happier than ever! But in a little over a week I’d be heading back home to my kids, my job, and a mountain of visa paperwork…and that was okay. I was willing to endure whatever was necessary to have my not-so-little, new family together. My life—and heart—were forever changed and this was my new truth!

Stay tuned—there’s more to come!

Seeds, Songs and Social Networking

Love is like a seed—it grows with nourishment and likewise dies with neglect. Or does it? Now, I’m no horticultural expert, but actually I think a seed can go into some form of hibernation as it waits for the right set of circumstances which will allow it to grow—fertile soil, water, sun, handsome Peruvian gardener, white sandy beach, candle-lit dinner…

Wait a minute. Now where exactly was I going with this? Oh yeah—Love is like a seed.

If you’ve read my previous blog, you learned that in 1981, while on a summer foreign exchange program in Peru, a certain young man planted a “seed of love” in the heart of this California girl. And even though I got caught up in my senior year of high school and didn’t respond to his letter (something I’ll forever regret), I never forgot Paco, my handsome Peruvian boyfriend. Any time I thought of my summer abroad, there was always a certain tug at my heart where he left an undeniable impression.

But life goes on…

Paco and I each had many life experiences after our summer together—some great, some not-so-great, but always shaping us into the individuals we are today. We married others, had children (9 total) and subsequently divorced. We both agree that these children from our previous marriages definitely fall into the “great” life experiences category (we’ll leave the “not-so-great” up to your imagination). And while we were busy collecting these life experiences, we occasionally thought of each other.

Paco recalls an instance with a few friends where they where playing a little game of sorts—they’d let the ash of a cigarette fall into their hand and then make a fist. When the hand opened, a letter was revealed, formed from the ash. It was supposed to have some sort of meaning. When Paco opened his hand, the ash had formed the letter “T”. All of his friends said, “T for Torero.” But he replied, “No, T for Tami—my first love.”

After twenty-eight years apart, little did either of us know that our relationship was about to come full circle…and once again we were brought together by Carlos, my Peruvian brother and Paco’s childhood friend (although both times Carlos had no clue of his role as “cupid”). This time, however, modern technology played a huge role—more specifically, social networking, or Facebook. Carlos had moved to the US twenty-five years earlier, so when Paco received a friend request from him, he was thrilled. The first thing he asked Carlos was, “Have you heard from Tami?” Since I’d recently been in touch with Carlos’ parents, he was able to fill Paco in a little on my life.

A week later, I received a friend request from Carlos. Now, as much as I adore my Peruvian brother, I’ll be perfectly honest here—before I even checked out his pictures and information posted on Facebook, I clicked on his “friends” link. I had to know if Paco was one of his Facebook friends. And that was when I saw that familiar, still very handsome face. He was definitely older, but, well, some things just get better with age—Paco is no exception.

I can hardly describe how I felt at that moment—nervous, excited, and anxious all rolled into one. I really wanted to contact him but would he even remember me? It had been twenty-eight years since our last contact. And then there was the letter I never responded to. Maybe he thought I was a total jerk! I decided to sleep on it, but the next day I knew exactly what I wanted to do and sent Paco the friend request. What the heck, right? I mean, what could possibly happen anyway? He still lived a million miles away in Peru!

As Paco tells the story, he saw a friend request from Tamra Norton (my name the previous 24 years ) and thought, Who the heck is Tamra Norton? Just before he was about to hit delete, he decided to check out the picture of this Tamra Norton person. It was a middle-age blond lady, but as he took a closer look, he instantly recognized my eyes. It’s Tami! he thought, and immediately accepted my friend request accompanied by the first of many emails that we exchanged.

What can I say? It didn’t take long at all to fall back in love with Paco. He was, and is, the other half of my heart and soul. I’ve never felt so connected to another human being as I am with him. One of the many connections we share is our love of music. Over the course of our relationship we often send each other music videos or songs on Facebook. Early on, Paco sent me a song by Jose Feliciano called, I Wanna Be Where You Are. The lyrics go something like this:

Can it be I stayed away too long
and did I leave your mind when I was gone?
It’s not my thing trying to get back.
Darlin’ let me tell you where I’m at.

You don’t have to worry ‘cause I’m coming
back to where I always should have stayed.
Now I’ve learned the meaning to your story, Mama,
and there’s enough love for me to stay.

Please don’t close the door to our future.
There’s so many things we haven’t tried.
I will love you better than I used to
and give you all the love I have inside,

I wanna be where you are...

The first time I heard this song, tears filled my eyes. It was a defining moment in our relationship, because it was at that moment I knew Paco was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But he was in Peru, raising his 2 daughters and I lived in Houston, the 4 youngest of my 7 children still at home. How could we bring our two families together? As an American citizen I could go to Peru any time I wanted to—no visa required. But we knew from the beginning that since I couldn’t move my children to Peru because of custody issues with their father, the only solution was for him and his 2 daughters to come here. All they needed to enter our boarders was a visa—simple right? I spent hours on the internet researching visas, trying to figure out how to get them here. This was not going to be easy.

After much discussion on the matter, one evening I received the following email from Paco:

You know how can I get a visa ????? I already know, simple, and charming, if I were in front of you, I will have to be on my knees, and asking you: WILL YOU MARRY ME, MY BEAUTIFUL AND NEVER FORGOTTEN FIRST LOVE OF MY LIFE. Then if you honored me saying yes, we get married and from this time I have to wait a few months and I will get my green card as an American legal resident, and after five years I can apply for American citizenship.

So, let's think about it, so well, I don't want to push you, I want you to be sure, more sure than you've ever been in your whole life, cause I think if we take this step it'll be forever, I want someone that get older with me, that talks to me, that makes me feel happy to get back home after my job, knowing that she is there, with a big smile, waiting for me.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I think that when you love someone, you have to live, for making this special person's life as happy as you can. respect her, take care about her, supporting her in her sad days, understand she is human, and also can make mistakes, I just want to be happy, and make my whole family, that includes you and your kids, no hurting anyone, and being honest with you.

I think I wake up a little philos today, but sometimes ....no....... always...thst's it always..... we have to open our heart and soul and tell all that we keep inside.

Have a nice day Blondie.

So that was it—we were engaged! But we were still a “million” miles apart. The amazing thing about love, however, is that it gives you hope and strength…and that’s exactly what we were going to need for what lay ahead of us.

Stay tuned. There’s so much more to come!

Every Story Has a Beginning...

Mine and Paco’s was June of 1981. It was the summer before my senior year at Elk Grove High School and I was looking for a little (okay, well, a lot of) adventure in my 17-year-old life. So instead of attending cheerleading camp and hanging out at Rancho Seco all summer (Elk Grove’s version of “the beach”), I hopped on a plane and headed for Lima, Peru. I was participating in a 3 month foreign exchange program with American Field Service.

I was originally assigned to live with a Peruvian family who had a daughter my age, but the mom became sick right before I arrived. Within 24 hours of my arrival in Lima, AFS found me a new family—the Pimentels—Peruvian family extraordinaire! This was the beginning of a summer that would change my life forever.

Now my Peruvian brother, Carlos, was (and is) quite possibly one of the nicest, coolest, low-key dudes on planet earth and for 3 months took on the role of my big brother, protector, tour guide, social coordinator, and friend. And one thing was certain--I knew he had my back.

Soon after my arrival, Carlos introduced me to a group of neighborhood guys—Carlos’ posse, so to speak, which I soon became a member of. We did things like cramming ten teenage bodies into a VW bug to go to Miraflores and eat pizza, or dance at a disco, or dance at a party, or hang out on a park bench, or just hang out…anywhere! Some things about teenagers are universal. And among this group of guys was Paco—handsome, athletic build, dark curly hair and one year older than me. In a word—delicious.

Paco was a part of so many experiences I had that summer in Peru, but always at a slight distance—quite possibly because I had a boyfriend I’d met at the school I was attending. One night I took this boyfriend to a party where Paco was. “Why do you like this guy?” Paco asked me discreetly. “He has a monkey’s face. I’m much better looking, don’t you think?” (For the record, YES…I thought!!!!)

Soon thereafter, I broke up with “monkey face” and within days became Paco’s girl. I’ll never forget the night we first kissed—August 1, 1981. We were sitting on a park bench and Paco (who happened to speak pretty good English) was showing me his new cowboy boots…only he was calling then boats. “How do you like my new boats,” he said, raising boat-shaped cowboy boots in the air. Part of me wanted to laugh—it just seemed so funny. But the other part of me was melting inside as I sat next to this incredibly handsome guy…who was soon kissing me instead of talking about “boats.”

The end of my stay in Peru was rapidly approaching...and this mamma’s girl was incredibly homesick. I’d had an amazing summer abroad, but I was ready to return to my home, family, and senior year of high school. On one of my last nights in Peru, I was sitting on another park bench with Paco. We were talking, and if I recall, I’d been crying as I explained to Paco how homesick I was feeling. Something Paco said to me that evening has stuck with me all these years. “I love my country, Tami. I love Peru and I could never live anywhere else. This is my home.”

I completely understood where Paco was coming from…because at that moment I was feeling exactly the same. I loved my country, the United States of America. And as much as I loved the amazing people and culture of Peru (and this handsome, curly haired Peruvian boy), at that time in my young life, all I could think about was being back home with the people I loved the most—my family.

Before I left Peru, Paco gave me a silver necklace. On one side was engraved my name, and on the other, his name and August 1^st 1981—the day of our first kiss. We exchanged addresses and a kiss at the airport, and I was flying home. Soon thereafter, I received a letter and picture from him. I remember the day I received it so well. My first week of my senior year at Elk Grove High School had just started….and a new chapter of my life. I was involved in cheerleading, student government, and all those things that consume the lives of American teenagers. So I set the letter aside, thinking I would respond soon. Days, weeks, and months passed, and the letter from Peru went unanswered—quite possibly the biggest mistakes of my life.

Paco tells me that he checked the mail every day for months before he finally gave up that I would respond (which makes me feel like the biggest schmuck in the universe!!!!). I stayed in touch with the Pimentel family on and off through the years, but it would be 28 years before I’d ever have contact again with the handsome, athletic build, curly haired, Peruvian boy—now man—who won my heart one summer, on a park bench as he showed off his new boats.

Stay tuned—there’s more to come.

An Immigration Love Story

Last August I married Paco—the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half, and a million-and-one other clichés that make cynics roll their eyes or shove their fingers down their throats—and after twenty-three blissful days of togetherness, we’ve been separated ever since. Not by choice, but because in order to live our “happily ever after,” we need to live in the same country (sharing the same tube of toothpaste and bed would be nice too). Moving myself and my seven children to Peru wasn’t an option, and since Paco has had custody of his two daughters the majority of their lives, we chose to have them immigrate here to The United States.

Easier said than done!

This has definitely been the longest and most difficult year of my life dealing with this whole immigration nightmare. But it’s almost over! (Do I hear a hallelujah?!) Hopefully before summer’s end and maybe before our one year anniversary—please, oh please, oh puh-leeeeze, Heavenly Father, Uncle Sam, and the Powers That Be at USCIS, let it be before our one-year-anniversary!—our not-so-little family will finally be together.

And the fun begins!

Paco and I have no delusions that we are creating some multicultural fairytale to be set in the suburbs of Houston, Texas. We knew from the beginning that we would have our challenges. (By the way, neither of us is a stranger to challenge, and hello…this first year of marriage has been nothing but a challenge!) But I’m an optimist, a dreamer, a believer, and an achiever—I have to be. Thankfully, so is Paco. Sure we’ll have our bumps and lumps as we combine our two families, two languages, two cultures, two religions, and the list goes on... But we have one heart, and with this heart (which is bigger than the state of Texas) we will take on each challenge and whup its sorry tail! Just sayin’.

And you can watch us… Or read about it, anyway, in this blog.

Introducing the cast:

Me: Tami—also known to the cast as Mom, Mommy, Mommy Tami, and Gringa (a term of endearment Paco gave me 29 years ago (and that story is coming)—thus, Mommy Gringa. I gave birth to 7 children from a previous marriage, and thank God every day for those 7 and the 2 bonus daughters I’ve been blessed with. I love writing, reading, dancing, Raisin Bran, diet Coke and dark chocolate. Would love to play drums in a rock band some day…with Lenny Kravitz and Prince on guitar, and Michael Buble and/or Paul McCartney on lead vocals. Hey…why not?

Paco: Love of my life, my handsome husband, and my boyfriend 29 years ago when I was an exchange student in Peru (summer of ’81). Father to 2 beautiful daughters, and insurance executive. “People Person” extraordinaire. Loves soccer, ‘80s music, soccer, action movies, soccer, dancing, and soccer (or should I say, futbol?).

Adult Children: (They come and go from home but are always in our hearts.)

Preston: the writer, a.k.a. The British Guy (because apparently he looks like one).

Amber: mother of my grandkittens. (Both Preston and Amber are in their last year of college).

Lexi: mother of Tristan, a.k.a. Mr. Twister, and responsible for making us grandparents at a much-too-young age!

Josh: Muscle Guy! Starting community college in the fall.

Teens/Pre-Teens:

Tommy: Piano Man and Ladies Man-in-Training—Oy!

Mafe: Total Latin Beauty! She also speaks and understands quite a bit of English.

Spencer: Our funny guy!

The “Twins”:

Maki and Allie—Amazing, we know, but somehow Paco and I produced “twins.” They’re 10 months apart in age and speak different languages, but look and act so much alike—really!. We can’t wait till these two are actually in the same room together. Our bet is that they’ll create their own language…and maybe even drive us all crazy.

There’s much more to come, so stay tuned…